Self Worth

One of the things that Fibromyalgia attacks early on is our Self Worth. Most people measure their self worth according to how successful they are at their job, in their relationships, socially, physically  and intellectually. I may have left something out but I'm sure you know what I am getting at.

Fibromyalgia attacks all of these areas of life. We can't pull our weight at work or at home anymore and we can't keep up socially with our friends and family because we may be in too much pain or too fatigued or too anxious or even too depressed.

Where once we were mentally sharp and quick witted we are now befuddled and slow. People get annoyed with us because we don't react physically quickly enough for their liking. It is not nice to be roughly shoved aside because you weren't able to move quickly enough.

If I keep listing everything that attacks our Self Worth I will have us all so depressed we will give up the fight for a good life and that is the opposite of what I want to do with this article.

I can only share what I do to maintain my Self Worth. It may not work for you but it may generate some ideas that will work.

I have realised that I have to change the benchmarks that I measure succes in life against.

My value as a person is not dependent on being in the workforce full time or even at any time. I certainly don't want to be a burden to my husband so I make sure that I do my share of the work around the house. What I have to do though is honour the fact that it now takes about 3 times as long to do whatever chores I have to do. So I take pride in the achievement of getting a chore done no matter how long it took me.

I don't let myself compare the current me to the pre-fibro me. I think that is probaly the number 1 rule to follow. Don't look back at who you were but look at the amazingly strong survivor you are now.

We are strong. We have to be to keep ourselves from falling into that black pit of despair. Whenever I get close to the edge I consciously drag my attention to something positive in my life even if that is simply the current book I am escaping into.

Being able to escape for awhile from the ever present affects of this disease is a triumph in itself. Being able to do that is something to feel good about because not everyone can do that. Some  people keep the focus on their illness and that doesn't help them or the people in their lives. So when you can find other, positive things to focus on then you have achieved something to be proud of.

So we need some new benchmarks to measure our success against:

• Completing things in our daily lives no matter how long it takes.
• Finding ways to take our focus off how rotten we are feeling.
• Not looking back at what we were and falling into the trap of self pity.
• Acknowledging that it is not our fault that we have this disease.
• Looking for ways to help others in life even if it is just showing support and understanding for them.
• Nurturing ourselves so that we can be as well as possible. It takes courage to put our needs ahead of others as we run the risk of being seen as selfish. However by doing so we give ourselves the chance to be there for others when they really need us.
• Accepting that working for as little as 3 hours a week as a volunteer or being paid is a worthwhile achievement.
• Having the courage to say no to people.

I'm sure you can add to this list. I do realise that these things I have listed are not normally things that are considered achievements and it is usually achievements that make us feel good about ourselves. Well, for a person with Fibromyalgia they are achievements as we have an enourmous battle with ourselves, with accepting ourselves in our new way of physical, mental and emotional being. Our greatest challenge is not to lose ourselves within this disease but to rise above it with a strong sense of worth as a human being.